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A Coventry based LGBTQ Youth Group



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Coming Out

Coming out to parents and family is a very difficult and scary time. You should remember, this is not only about you, but also your family and friends, as you are sharing something very personal with people you love.  This makes it a time when you could become closer and more attached, but it also could result in some people not understanding, and them pushing you away (however don't let this deter you, some people just need longer to digest some information). This is a time when family who may have "seen the signs" but ignored them must admit this to themselves.
Below are some tips that may help make it easier:
Pick a Good Time 
Try not to come out in a stressful environment, such as in an argument - the message will be delivered to your family in a time of bad feelings, and will be associated with those bad feelings, making understanding more difficult for you and your family in the long run.
      Give them time to get used to the idea before you introduce them to your partner. They may be willing to accept your "friend" more readily and more easily if you show them that your partner cares about you, and makes you happy, rather than making the sexual nature of your relationship too apparent. If they see this, they will come to realise that your partner knows and cares about you, just like they do.
It Takes Time  
Remember that it will take time for your family and friends to understand, just like it did for you. Your family may go through all different kinds of emotions. They could feel emotions such as rejection, acceptance, and then rejection again before they come to accept you for who you are. They need time to understand what it means to be LGBTQ. If you are coming out to them, remember you've had more time to deal with this than they have. 
Encourage Your Parents to Come Out  

 Suggest that they share this with a friend; you needed to come out to others for support, and they may find it beneficial to do the same. You could find them some contact numbers, such as one for PFLAG (Parents and friends of Lesbians And Gays), or print out information this could help too.
      Consider having a "family contact" person. Sometimes a parent will be hurt that they were not the first to know. However, both you and your parents may benefit from having someone in the family to talk to about the issue, how the "coming out" went, and how things are going after. An aunt or uncle, sibling, or grandparent may help out a lot.

Explain Why You Are Coming Out 
You could explain that you are coming out to them because you love them and don't want to be dishonest with them. Your parents care about you and want you to be happy, so reassure them that you know about the discrimination in society, and that you have a network of friends to support you.

Being in the closet is difficult, as you can feel sad, confused and alone - try to explain this to your parents, and tell them it creates stress, and that you want to be happy and confident.

      Some cautions should be offered on coming out - while in many ways it is liberating and makes you feel better, there are people out there that will want to make you feel bad about who you are.
​  A lot of people do this because they feel uncomfortable about something that is different from what they consider 'normal.
      Overall, coming out is a normal process that is crucial to accepting who you are and feeling good about yourself. You can be more "out" in some settings than in others, come out in different ways to different people, and expect it sometimes to go well and sometimes to go badly. It is a significant part of the process of identifying and becoming closer to your friends and loved ones.